Mission Impawssible
by thetsunamifan
Summary: A series of misadventures when Warrior cats are reincarnated as Twolegs. Contains spoilers for the series.


**So you get the gist of this. Each chapter will have a different group of cats as Twolegs. The only way for them to escape their human bodies and return to normal is to die. ^_^**

**First chapter is about Firestar and Tigerstar after they died in the Last Hope. Firestar is in his early 20s, Tigerstar about late 30s. ****Firestar has ginger hair and green eyes, Tigerstar has amber eyes (I know humans can't have amber eyes shh) messy dark brown hair, and a stubble. I'm not strictly using anyone's point of view so if you see me say something such as, "human" instead of "Twoleg," remember that! I also had them understand some English words and not others.  
**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Suddenly the tree that was crushing Firestar was no more; his surroundings vanished before his very eyes. A peaceful darkness engulfed the tom as he was forced to welcome death's doors, without even a chance to say goodbye to his Clanmates. A tremor shot through Firestar's spirit as it began its decent to StarClan, and suddenly the starry path leading to paradise faded away. Total blackness greeted Firestar until he regained consciousness, but rather than the forest of StarClan, a different, unfamiliar forest greeted his grass-green eyes.

_I'm not... dead? Then where am I? _Firestar's entire body felt strange, as if it wasn't his own. He realized that he was lying on his back in the cool grass. _This isn't where I died, but it's not StarClan either. I've never seen this place before in my life!_

An uncomfortable chill shot through Firestar's entire frame; the puzzled tom looked down to see that his ginger fur had disappeared. He lifted a paw to feel a mass of fur on the top of his head and gasped in shock when he realized that his paw was not a cat's, but a Twoleg's. _Is this all just dream? A hallucination before I meet StarClan? _Firestar squeezed the grass beneath his abnormally-long fingers. _Seems real enough. I have to learn to control this body._

Firestar sat upright and leaned back against an oak tree behind him. He audibly gasped when he saw another Twoleg lying across from him just two fox-lengths away. "Hey!" Firestar called in a language he didn't realize he was thinking in just a heartbeat ago. "Ca-Can you understand me?"

The Twoleg opposite him rose into a sitting position as well. It had a scar across its bare shoulder, a torn ear, and another scar across the bridge of its nose. Its muscles were far larger than Firestar's, along with everything else about its body. "Hrnnn?" it groaned. It gave a few hoarse coughs before opening its strangely slanted eyes. "I don't recognize this place... a-a Twoleg?!" it exclaimed upon seeing Firestar's hairless body.

_That voice... _"Tigerstar?"

The other Twoleg held its breath. "The kittypet?"

Firestar touched his own bare legs stretched out in front of him. "Why did this happen?"

"Not sure..." Tigerstar growled. Of all cats, he had to be caught in this situation with _Firestar_? "What... what the foxdung are these?" the tom exclaimed, observing his fingers that reached further than cat toes with the same expression of shock that Firestar had.

"My teeth are flat as a rabbit's," Firestar agrees, licking his leveled teeth.

Tigerstar tried licking the dirt from his arm. _"My tongue is soft?!"_

"We can't even go hunting with no claws or whiskers," Firestar added with a disappointed sigh.

"I'm not living like this! I'm getting out of here; there has to be some way to switch us back." Tigerstar naturally tried escaping the forest on his hands and feet, but the odd sight didn't last long when he tripped over his own limbs and face-planted the ground.

"That's not how Twolegs get around," Firestar tells him. "They use only their hind paws."

"I'm not about to walk on two paws like some kind of freak!"

Firestar watched helplessly as Tigerstar stumbled out of sight like a cat who just got fixed. "Guess I better go catch up with him." After a bit of stumbling, Firestar got the hang of it and reluctantly went to find his sworn enemy. When he made it through the labyrinth of a forest, he found Tigerstar on his hind legs with his hand gripping the shirt collar of another human.

"Where is your leader?" Tigerstar demanded.

"Put some clothes on!" the female screamed; she smacked Tigerstar until he released her.

"What are clothes?" Firestar asked her.

The woman stared at him with a red face. "Clothes. A shirt." The woman tugged on her t-shirt. "Pants." She pointed at her jeans. "Jesus. Don't you know anything?"

Firestar stood next to an outraged Tigerstar as the lady left without another word. The ginger shrugged. "Well, I guess we know what we're doing first."

"I'm not taking another step until you're not breathing my air," Tigerstar snapped.

"I know you've attempted murder on me once or twice, but can't you tolerate me so we can find a way to get out of this? If you're going to kill me, can't we be cats again first?"

Tigerstar furrowed his new eyebrows and clenched his fists. "I guess... you could be right."

"All right, then. Let's go up to the first Twoleg nest we see," Firestar suggested. He led the way through Twolegplace until they came across their first house. "There are probably Twolegs in here that can help us. I've seen them use these," he added, grabbing the doorknob. He twisted it to one side and successfully broke into someone's home. They were greeted with a terrified scream from a woman on the sofa.

"ALLEN, THERE ARE NAKED MEN ON THE PORCH."

Firestar's heart began beating faster when a man ran up to him with a broomstick, ready to swing at the intruders. Both Twolegs had pale skin like theirs, except these Twolegs had light brown fur on the top of their heads. "Please help us," Firestar begged. "We're in need of clothes... and food."

"Who are you? Just homeless people?"

"Uhmm... yes. Please have mercy on us. We don't want to provoke a battle."

The man raised an eyebrow before relaxing his grip on the wooden weapon. "They're just hobos, Carissa. They're not gonna hurt us."

"Give them clothes immediately!" Carissa told him as she shielded her eyes.

Firestar and Tigerstar were left in the Twolegs' restroom to figure out for themselves how to put clothes on. "Whaaaat." Firestar lifted a pair of boxers with a blank expression. "Why do we need pants, _and_ these?"

"StarClan knows. Just put them on."

Firestar squeezed both his legs into a single pant-hole. "Is this right?"

"Probably."

They eventually figured it out after about a half-hour of experimentation. Afterwards, they met the kind Twolegs, Carissa and Allen, at the dining table to eat lunch. On each plate there was fried chicken, rice, and cheesy potatoes. Firestar waited to see how Twolegs drank before he dared touch his glass of water. Tigerstar, on the other hand, ate like a cat, drank like a cat, and had the manners of a cat.

"Where are you from?" Carissa asked.

"I come from ThunderClan, he's from ShadowClan," Firestar explained. There was a moment of silence. _Mousedung, I've said something wrong!_

"Do you two have wives?"

"A wife?"

"A woman who is very dear to you?" Carissa clarified.

_She means a mate! _"I do, in fact. Her name is Sandstorm." Firestar's heart sank when he got confused looks.

Tigerstar lifted his head, cheesy potatoes plastered to his chin. "I fell in love a few times. My second love was named Sasha."

Since Sasha was a name they were familiar with, Carissa and Allen could at least nod awkwardly to that.

"What a lovely name," Carissa told Tigerstar. "What does she look like?"

"She has brilliant blue eyes, and the softest tawny fur I've ever seen."

Allen nearly choked on his fried chicken. "I'm sorry. Did you say _fur?_"

"That's exactly what I said. She's a cat." Firestar grabbed his arm and whispered desperately for him to stop. "Technically speaking," he went on, ignoring Firestar, "we're cats, too."

Allen dropped his chicken. "Will you excuse us for a minute?" The Twoleg couple ran into a different room and closed the door. "I want them gone after they're done eating."

"Allen, they don't have anywhere else to go!"

"Carissa! They're clearly insane! It might be dangerous to keep them here overnight."

Firestar glared with hostility at his least favorite cat. Tigerstar looked up when he couldn't stand being stared down any longer. "What do you want?"

"You can never just do the right thing, can you?" Firestar got out of his seat and took his enemy by the wrist. "Come on. We've overstayed our welcome."

"Would you relax, kittypet?" Tigerstar said once they were outside and walking. "If I'm going to be stuck in this body - and with you, no less - I want to enjoy it the best I can."

"All I want is to not be looked at like a freak for just two heartbeats," Firestar retorted.

Tigerstar went on ahead into the street, glaring back at the younger. "I do-" He was cut off when a car almost rammed into his side. Tigerstar turned around and met the eyes of the Twoleg trapped inside the Monster.

"Move, jackass!" the driver yelled out the window.

"What did you call me?" Firestar grabbed Tigerstar's arm with both hands and dragged him out of the road. "I'll flay you alive! Get out of your Monster and fight me, fox-dung!"

The Twoleg drove around the two men. "Lunatic," he muttered under his breath.

"_That_ was an example of how _not_ to handle a bad situation," Firestar told the irritated tom. "We have to keep the peace."

"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?" Tigerstar shrieked in his face.

"Well, you did kill a lot of cats. You also drove out Ravenpaw, tried to control the Clans, corrupt cats in their dreams-"

"Thanks for narrowing it down for us, Firestar."

"We have to keep our cool if we're gonna get out of this alive." Firestar paused when he saw a little Twoleg kit coming their way with a cat. "StarClan granted us the power to speak their language. We can take advantage of that!"

When the child reached them, Firestar blocked his way. "May we speak with your kittypet?"

"You can talk to cats?" the boy gasped in awe.

"We sure can... may I?"

Firestar lifted the soft-coated tabby she-cat up to his face. "Can you help us?" he asked, shocked to find that he was still speaking in the Twoleg language. "Tigerstar... what's going on? Have we forgotten how to speak normally?"

"What are blabbering about? Give her here."

Tigerstar held the she-cat firmly in his hands. "Do you know anything about our situation?"

"Tigerstar, you're still speaking Twoleg language. Besides, this is just a random kittypet. What would she know about anything, even if we could communicate?"

"Can I have my cat back now?" the Twoleg kit asked.

"That was a waste of our time," Firestar mumbled as they walked away. "I wonder if we could find any way to communicate with StarClan... Maybe if we fall asleep, they will visit us in our dreams... Tigerstar?" The ginger-haired man noticed his rival was walking out of Twolegplace and back in the direction of the forest. "Yeah, good idea," Firestar called running after him. "We'll have a better chance if we're in familiar surroundings as we sleep."

"What's the matter?" When Firestar finally caught up with him, Tigerstar was standing completely still with his back turned to the ginger. "Ti-" Firestar's words turned into gasping when Tigerstar's hands wrapped around his throat. The elder man slammed the younger against a tree a few times to knock the sense out of him. Firestar's eyes bulged as he spoke, "We have to get through this together. Think hard about what you're doing."

"We're here, alone. You're vulnerable. I know exactly what I'm doing."

Even after Firestar stopped breathing, Tigerstar held on until he was sure his rival was deceased. As Firestar lie limp in the dirty grass, Tigerstar knelt down and tilted his head to look Firestar in his empty leaf-green eyes. "I've waited so long for that, but I expected you to still be a cat when this happened..." Tigerstar left the corpse behind in the forest. _I'm not taking that ThunderClan's leader's commands. I can easily pull through on my own. I just need a plan._

Tigerstar pushed through the last of the trees and arrived back at Twolegplace. Without looking both ways, Tigerstar crossed the street he'd nearly been run over on last time. It was too late when he heard the blasts erupting from a Monster that was coming his way. He tried to move, but the hard metal front rammed his body to the ground, and ran right over the rest of him. The driver of the truck slammed the door and desperately went to search the vehicle's victim for a pulse. But when he looked under the truck, there was nothing there. Not even a trace of blood._  
_

Twoleg Firestar and Tigerstar no longer existed. It was as if the transformation never happened.


End file.
